50th post

I decideing whether or not I should make a new blog...I think I probably will tonight.
Yeahh...when I do I'll make sure to put up a link, yo!

Yo

Things are getting better. It becoming easier to swallow. I still have burning but not frequent. I was able to eat a slice of pizza. I had to chew it up realllllly good...but its improvment. Right now I trying to eat a cupcake..its fairly easy. Tomorrow I'm going to try a hamburger.

I want to be internet famous!!! Lol, random. I'll become the new queen of the internet...one day.
xP

I'M TIRED OF BEING SICK, DAMMIT!!!!

I'm going to copy and paste everything I wrote down in my blog on Stardoll. These will go in order..meaning the last one will be the most up to date. Their not in paragraphs [because I'm copying+pasting] so they'll be clumped together.

7-15-08
I *think* we found out the cause to my attacks. I've had Bronchitus [i still have it dammit] and I had to take breathing treatments for my lungs. We were looking at the side effects of the medicine and it said it can cause
-anxiety
-nervousness
-hypertonia [tightness of muscles. my chest was tight]
-tremor [i was shaking]
I had all of that, except for dizziness. I'm not taking breathing treatments anymore so hopefully I'll feel better FINALLY. God.I went to the doctor again today and they gave me DISGUSTING medicine. Omfg its terrible! But aslong as it helps me..then i suppose its ok

7-18-08
Today I had another panic attack and it was really bad, way worse than my first one. My mom had to call the ambulance because my dad wasn't at home. But right as the ambulance came, my dad got home. So I got to ride in an ambulance and the paramedic guy looked like Frank Iero, lmao.I was in the hospital for about 3 hours. They had to do blood work on me. First they took blood from where my elbow bends...which wasn't that bad. It was my first time getting blood taken and I was freaked out.About 30 minuets after that a different lady came in and she was going to take blood from my wrist! Except the other lady took blood from my vein, but this one took it from my arterie, which is waaaaay more painful.Omfg, she hurt me so bad. She said my arteries kept "rolling" and she couldn't get the needle in the right place. She was sticking me over and over and it is so painful! It felt like getting bee stung in the same spot over and over.NOW my doctor said I went into a panic attack because I've been sick. He also said my cough medicine caused anxiety and tightness in my chest. So I'm not taking that cough medicine anymore. God, its like everytime I get medicine it has a negative effect on me. This crazy nurse lady was teaching me how to breathe when I feel a panic attack coming. I have to breathe in for 6 seconds, hold my breath, then exhale. It helps alot. They can't give me any medicine for anxiety because "at such a young age the side effects would be devastating" and that freaked me out. The nurse was giving me some speech about overcoming anxiety without medication...yep.Well yeah, so theres another update. I really want to get better by Tuesday so I can goto the Fair.

7-20-08
Last night I started feeling acid coming up in my throat [gross I know.]And I was getting angry and got really emo and took a fork and scraped it down my arm [out of frustration.] It seriosuly felt like no would help me. So my mom was getting really stressed out with all of the problems I've been having lately and she and my dad took me out to a different hospital.I was there for 6 hours! I got there at 9:30pm and got out around 3am. These doctors were better than the ones I've been seeing. They checked me out thoroughly and told me that I would have to go see an Ear Nose and Throat doctor. They'll have to put a light down my throat and see whats causing me problems. I'm on a liquid diet now, because I have trouble swallowing solid foods. I mean I can swallow food, but it is so difficult and it take sooooo long to finish it. But yeah..I should be back to normal soon..but I'm not getting my hopes up. I've forgotten what normal is. Before I left the hospital they gave me this disgusting stuff that numbed my mouth all the way down to my stomach. It numbed me good!! Outrageous...I couldn't feel my tongue moving around in my mouth. It was actually scarey because it felt like I was going to choke and it felt like I couldn't breathe, but it did take the pain away. Plus it made me high lol.Now I'm on some acid reflux medication. I have to take it two times a day, I try to take it before 4pm. But I just took it for the first time and it isn't that bad. My throat isn't burning and thats good sign.This summer has been complete hell!

7-21-08
Ok, so while I'm not having a panic attack I'm going to tell y'all ahead of time. I'm going to be going to a hospital out in the city. They have all the equipment to help me. I'll most likely not be on here for a few days.I cannot eat anything and I'm so hungry and I'm about to go fxcking crazy because I've been going through this for so long.But by time I'm on here again I should be normal? God I hope so...


That's all I wrote. So I'll be missing the fair =[ And my friend that I was going with is now going with my ex-friend. I hate everything. I can't eat, I'm losing weight, my throat burns, I'm really upset. And the stupid doctors won't do anything to help me!! Their like "well, if she can drink liquids then every things fine." HELLO?! I'M FREAKIN STARVING!!! I've lost 10 lbs within 4 days. I want EVERYONE to know what this feels like. I want everyone to suffer like I am and no one will help them. I have never been so sick. I've got to wait until Monday to have a light run down my throat. I'm also going to have to drink some stuff and have an x-ray of my throat to see if something is blocking my food pipe. I think its called a barrel swallow? I have no idea. I just hope I can swallow the stuff they give me. The only liquids so far that I can swallow without any problem is water and apple juice.

Parody

Its not awesome or anything, it can be better. I wrote this to make fun of Katy Perry's song I Kissed a Girl. CREDITS TO ME. If someone ever copies this...I AM THE CREATOR!!!!

Title: I Cutted My Wrists

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so depressed, razor in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try it
I'm curious for this
Caught my attention

I cut my wrists and I liked it
The deep lacirations
I cut my wrists just to try it
I hope my therapist don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm emo tonight
I cut my wrists and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't even like MCR
It doesn't matter
This is my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, christian girls do
Not how they should behave
My urge gets so strong
Hard to obey

I cut my wrists and I liked it
The deep lacirations
I cut my wrists just to try it
I hope my therapist don't mind it
It felt so wrongIt felt so right
Don't mean I'm emo tonight
I cut my wrists and I liked it
I liked it

Those emos are so sad
Soft skin, pale wrists, so cuttable
Hard to resist so slittable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's emotastic

I cut my wrists and I liked it
The deep lacirations
I cut my wrists just to try it
I hope my therapist don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm emo tonight
I cut my wrists and I liked it
I liked it

testing

stardoll made this new thing where you can post you medoll so i'm gonna try it out...

Visit my Stardoll Suite

Visit my Stardoll Suite

Yo nobodies

I got sims 2 university!! yeeeeee! i made me, my friend, frank iero and gerard way. We're all roomates and we've begun our sophmore year of college. Frankie and Gerard are in Art, my friend is in Drama and i'm [idk why] in phycology. I'm luvin it right now. MC DONALDS!!!!

Oooo the fair is coming soon [July 21-26] I can't wait to go! Goto http://www.colerides.com/ [thats the company that works at my fair] and goto the rides panel [the first box] and look at the follwing rides:: Catch N Air, Rainbow, Cliff Hanger, Sizzler, Tilt a Whirl, Rainforest Exposition [its just the ferris wheel,] and The Hurricane. Those were all the rides I rode last year. My favorite is the Rainbow, Tilt a Whirl and Cliff Hanger. The Hurricane made me VERY sick, but the second time I rode it I didn't get sick and it was actually fun.

Woot, i'm excited just thinking about it

Anxiety/panic attack?

The worst feeling I've experienced in a long time. Its lasted over 12 hours now. I'm pretty sure I have been having an anxiety attack. All of the symptoms are what I've feeling.
It began [technically] yesterday around 1:40pm. It began when I felt something come up in my throat. I just thought it was drainage [i've been sick lately] and I just swallowed it. But when it came up again I started feeling extremely nervous and worried. I noticed my chest was tight and it was kind of hard to breathe and swallow. That got me in a panic because I thought something deadly was going to happen, like I would suddenly stop breathing and die. I already knew that people who have attacks usually try to relax and take deep breaths. I layed on my bed and did that. It didn't really help. I started freaking out and crying. Then I tried listening to some music and [oddly] it made me feel even worse. I got light chest pains too. Then I thought throwing up would help [i was feeling nauseous anyway] I couldn't puke though. Then I started getting really hot.
I got up and went to google. I saw that breathing in a paper bag would help [it didn't.] I saw on yahoo answers that one girl would layed flat on her floor and take deep breaths through her nose.
I went and did that [on my bed instead] and I got really bad chills. I started shaking and there was nothing I could do to stop it, my teeth started chattering uncontrollably too. I just tried to stay calm and take deep breaths. Eventually I fell asleep.
When I woke up I still felt bad. My chest was heavy. I asked a question on yahoo answers and hopefully some people will give me advice.
I'm scared to goto the doctor, but if I have to I will. I feel much better than how I did when i first began. But I still feel some occasional chest pain, heaviness, and that stuff coming up in my throat.
I hope I'm not getting bad pneumonia X[

Scene People = vomit

As you may know, I despise scene people. Scene core, scene queens, wannabes. Whatever they label themselves, they suck. I wrote this to take out my frustration::

Most scene people start out as preps, then they decide to be emo but realize their to happy and spoiled to be emo so they turn...SCENE.
Scene, the most unoriginal style yet. Lets see, you all look alike. You have retarded hair with stripes and coontails, its so ugly and messy. You have stupid obsessions with Hello Kitty and Gloomy Bears. How old are you? Five?
You idolize Audrey Kitching, Jeffree Star, Raquel Reed etc. The so called 'Scene Queens.' [more like drag queens]
You dress trashy [slutty is more like it.] You dress in short-shorts and tank tops that are neon colored. Sometimes you'll wear mini-skirts with torn leggings underneath. And you LOVE leopard and zebra print.
You like "cuppycakes" and muffins, I'm surprised your not a fatass by now. And wtf is up with the word RAWR? RAWR RAWR RAWR I FEEL SO POWERFUL!
You retarded scene nicknames. Ex: Daphne Dumbass, Carly Catastrophe, Sally Scene, Sarah Shithead. =P

You take millions of pictures to put on your myspace/buzznet because your an attention whore. You also have no life and all of your "friends" are online.
You have HORRIBLE makeup, but then again you have a horrible wardrobe so I guess it blends in well.
You have your ANNOYING scene slang. You talk ghetto and find offensive words as complements.
Example: "Heyy mofo cunt biotch!"
Whoa! Your IQ must be extremely low. Some people might find that very offensive, but you wouldn't care because your a WANNABE SCENE QUEEN and wannabe scene queens don't care about anyone else except for themself and their outrageously jacked up hair.
I think scene queens need a serious reality check...and a MAJOR makeover.

Haircut

Wellz, I got my haircut today. My hairstylist was old and annoying. She kept asking me odd questions and everytime she asked a question she said "Now can I ask you this?" and "Let me ask you a question." I'm like dammit women just ask the freakin question.
She washed my hair and I didn't want it washed, because when they wash my hair they mess it up. Like, the shampoo + conditioner they use make my hair really puffy and big. Its quite disturbing lol. And its takes about 2 days to go back to normal.

But she layered it then razored it. But she razored it more on the right side of my hair than the left. So my hair side is more choppier than the left and it looks weird. And she barely razored the back of my head! I'll have to go somewhere [probably the mall] and get them to razor it more.
Hopefully it just looks weird now because my hair is still "poofy." It was really awesome looking earlier though, because it had volumne and you could she how peicey it was. It resembled scene girl hair [which bothers me!]

Today I'm going to goto Hot Topic and buy some stuff there, especially some hair streaks. Then this evening me and my dad are going to the fair ground to watch fireworks. We do that practically every year. I might get one of my friends to come. I like sneaking into the field so then the fireworks are right above me. WOOT

great...

I lost 3 pounds because I was sick and lost appetite. But then my mom made me eat alot of food >:[
So then I gained a pound. I must continue my weight loss!!! I've got 2 months until school GAHHH!!!